


beautiful and terrifying

by flyler



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, some cute gaybies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 04:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15622755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyler/pseuds/flyler
Summary: Maggie works as a lifeguard for the Midvale beach.





	beautiful and terrifying

**Author's Note:**

> For siredtochyler on twitter!

Maggie Sawyer moves to Midvale when she’s seventeen years old.

 

Not with her parents, of course― _that_ just isn’t in the picture anymore― but with her aunt, who sometimes feels like an older sister who’s still trying to figure out how to be an adult. She’s barely 30 years old and that fact makes Maggie stomach churn in guilt as she lies awake in bed each night because her salary as an RN can barely keep one person from drowning; how is Aunt Rose supposed to keep two people afloat?

 

But they make do. Maggie makes as much money as she can plucking weeds or mowing lawns for the neighbors that will let her, as the babysitting gig she’d gotten in 8th grade wasn’t available now and the few places that hire teenagers were going to go for the 50 or so others in the area before coming to the lesbian that’s been outed.

 

They move the Midvale right when Maggie’s junior year ends, almost two years of pure hell and typical coming-of-age bullying after she was outed to the school the morning after she saw the tail lights of her father’s cheap pickup light up the snow lining the gravel road to her aunt’s cottage. Word travels faster than a tornado in a flat field when it comes to small towns, and Maggie felt the brunt of her father’s decision not that night, shivering in cold February wind, but in the daily routine that became going to high school after word was passed around.

 

In those two years, Maggie never sees her parents. She walks a route to school that won’t go by the house, she makes sure she stays clear of the convenience stores on Thursdays when her mother makes a weekly trip, and she knows her parents do the same because Maggie isn’t stupid enough to think only her decisions are what have kept her from a single glance the people whose loved stopped when hers started.

 

One night, during dinner, Maggie makes a quiet admission of wanting to pursue criminal justice at National City University. Upon hearing that, Rose practically has half her things packed so Maggie can be considered in-state for tuition by the time Maggie would start college next year, and it helps that Rose finds a hospital in a suburban area that pays more than in rural Nebraska. Maggie can’t even feel guilty because she knows the confines that a small Midwestern town brings, and she has a feeling Rose isn’t just exuberant about moving Maggie out, but coming with her.

 

The first thing Maggie gets is when they move is a job, and the first job she can find is a summer lifeguard at the local beach. It’s the beginning of June when they sleep in their apartment for the first night, technically not even summer, and Maggie feels like it’s already hotter than Nebraska. The heat is wetter, too, Maggie quickly learning to put her hair up in a way that doesn’t make it frizz.

 

Her uniform as a lifeguard consists of a one-piece red bathing suit with a red cross on the chest, and for the first few days as an inside joke, Maggie puts a slather of sunscreen on the bridge of her nose like she sees in the movies, but she soon learns it’s a necessity if she doesn’t want to burn; even her naturally tan skin can’t face the sweltering California heat all day alone, and the umbrella Maggie gets next to her tall chair overlooking the sea can’t work as her only shield.

 

Most of her job is making sure drunken fights don’t happen or kids don’t drown. After a week or so at the job, Maggie is able to spot the difference between tourists visiting the beach and locals who live near it, even though she still feels like one of the tourists herself. She’ll sometimes have a book from one of the summer readings her new school has on her if the beach is particularly empty, but she manages to keep a watchful eye regardless.

 

She enjoys watching the ocean and watching people play in it. Having been in a landlocked state her whole life, the ocean is simultaneously beautiful and terrifying. It’s _huge_ , and it’s such a dark blue sometimes that it looks black, its froth a stark white as the waters churn around tiny bodies compared to its endless reach, and Maggie wonders how some people can walk into it like it’s three inches deep knowing man has only explored a small fraction of what it holds.

 

One girl she notices specifically is around her age, with choppy brown hair. She’s always there before Maggie, and Maggie gets there around 8 every time she works (which is most days, as apparently many of the school-year lifeguards are off on suburban vacations with their suburban parents, but Maggie starts to be okay with that when her first check comes in the mail). The girl must get here when the sun rises, Maggie thinks, to already be out in the ocean surfing by the time she gets to the beach herself.

 

The girl visits the beach almost daily. One day, on an unusually overcast morning, clouds thick with the promise of rain, Maggie has a book propped open in her lap, the cap of a highlighter in her mouth as she goes over what she considers important. She’s able to highlight in this book because she found it at the old bookstore in town and it only cost two dollars, so she takes advantage of it. She glances up every minute or so to pan over the beach and the few residents it carries.

 

The surfer girl disappears, and Maggie assumes she’s gone for the day, and now she has to keep a watchful eye on a couple of college-aged frat boys who look like they might cause drunken trouble even though it’s not even lunchtime yet. Maggie rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses.

 

“Um, hello?” Maggie hears a voice from below her chair and pushes her sunglasses to sit on the crown of her head as she peers down to see who it is. When she realizes it’s the girl that surfs all the time, she tries not to trip over her growing limbs as she scrambles down the long white legs of the beach chair.

 

Her sandals hit the sand as she looks up and sees that she’s only a few inches from the girl now. Maggie notices matching eyes and hair, the color of the homemade pumpernickel bread Maggie’s mother used to make when it came warm out of the oven. Maggie remembers how the butter she’d spread on a slice would instantly soak into the bread, and the warmth that radiates from this girl’s eyes seems to be even more intense than that. She has freckles from the sun dotted across her face and on her nose sits a pair of sleek black glasses.

 

It’s a nice look on her, and Maggie tries not to blush. If she does, the heat, albeit the overcast skies, are to blame.

 

“Is there anything you need? Do you need help?” Maggie asks, and she hopes her voice doesn’t crack too badly.

 

“Oh, uh.” The girl points to the book that Maggie still has clasped in her hand. “I just wanted to say I like that book. Are you doing summer reading for Midvale High?”

 

Maggie blinks, glancing down at her copy of Lord of the Flies, still open as the thumb on the hand that holds her place nervously messes with the edge of one of the pages. “Yeah. I’m about to be a senior.”

 

“Cool, me too!” The girls smiles, and Maggie has been watching the beach and its view for weeks now, but nothing beats the view that’s in front of her. “I’m assuming you just moved here, as our school isn’t super huge.”

 

“Still bigger than where I came from,” Maggie says, “but, yeah, I’m new.”

 

“How do you like the book?”

 

“It’s okay,” Maggie says. “I think it if was a bunch of girls stuck on an island instead, they wouldn’t be killing each other and whatnot.”

 

“There’s actually been studies done on it,” the girls says. “I actually read the book for the first time in middle school, but read it a few weeks ago for a refresher. It’s interesting, how people work out of society, y’know?”

 

When the girl pushes up her glasses, as they were slowly slipping down the bridge of her nose due to the heat outside, Maggie can’t help but snicker good-naturedly. “You’re kind of a nerd.” When the girl’s face falls, Maggie holds up a hand defensively. “In a good way! It’s cute.”

 

_It’s cute_? Jesus Christ, Maggie, get a grip.

 

“Uh…” Maggie holds out her hand. “I’m Maggie.”

 

“Alex,” the girl says, and she takes Maggie’s outstretched hand.

 

“So, I have a question,” Maggie says. “How were you able to see my book from so far away?”

 

It’s Alex’s turn to be affected by the heat, her cheeks dusted a light pink. “I, um, have good eyesight. ‘Cause I wear glasses.” She momentarily breaks eye contact and Maggie can tell her teeth are worrying the inside of her cheek as she thinks of what to say. “I have to go now. Bye!”

 

As Alex runs off, Maggie is too confused to wonder what actually happened.

 

―――――

 

As Maggie is telling her day to her aunt, who wasn’t on shift and able to make dinner, Rose smirks when Maggie mentions the altercation with the surfer girl, Alex.

 

“ _Tía_ ,” Maggie whines, “it’s not like that.”

 

Rose’s expression grows sincere. “Even if it is, it’s not a bad thing, okay? People are a lot more accepting here than back in Nebraska.” There’s a falter, a pause, between the words _back_ and _in Nebraska_ , as if her first choice was going to be “back home”, and Maggie notices it. “You be yourself, Maggie, and I’d especially want you to feel that way about me. I didn’t just take you in out of obligation, okay? I took you in because I love you. Every part of you.”

 

Maggie tries not to let tears fall into her vegetable tostadas and rice, deciding she’ll cry when she’s alone in her room. She just nods in affirmation and keeps eating.

 

―――――

 

The next few days Alex rides the waves on Maggie’s shifts, they make eye contact only for Alex to nervously glance away. It makes Maggie anxious. Why is Alex avoiding her? Maybe Maggie got too confident in that last question and Alex realized Maggie was gay or, god forbid _flirting_ with her and now she has to look away because she thinks Maggie’s gross. Sure, Rose is a little right in that California isn’t as bad, and it’s 2003 now, but there’s still a ways to go in terms of acceptance, and Maggie doesn’t know what kind of person Alex is.

 

The first time they talk after they meet is when Maggie is actually on one of her days off and decided to use it to take a walk around the downtown area of suburban Midvale. She’s at a park and in line to buy an ice cream cone when there’s a tugging on her shirt. She looks down to see a blonde-haired girl, not older than ten, looking up at her expectantly.

 

“I can’t find my sister,” the child says.

 

“Oh, okay. Do you want me to help you find her?” The line for ice cream is only a few people long, and Maggie doesn’t mind stepping out to help someone. When the girl nods, Maggie asks, “What does she look like?”

 

“She has brown hair,” the girl comments, and Maggie tries not to sigh. That doesn’t exactly narrow it down. “Her name is Alex.”

 

There’s a second where Maggie thinks… no, it can’t be. “What’s _your_ name?”

 

The girl puts her hand in Maggie’s and starts swinging. “Can’t say. Stranger danger.”

 

Maggie is starting to think how counterproductive this elementary school kid is when she suddenly screams, “Alex!” and runs, not letting go of her grip. Maggie is forced to follow. This kid is a lot stronger than she’d expected.

 

When a figure turns around and glares at Kara, yep, that’s the same Alex Maggie had practically been ogling since she started working at the beach, and the same Alex that probably thinks she’s a creep for coming onto her. Great.

 

“This is your sister?” Maggie asks. “She says she lost you.”

 

“Ran away from me, more like. Kara, you need to stick with me. You know how Mom is.”

 

The girl, Kara, crosses her arms and pouts, bottom lip sticking out dramatically. “But I found the lifeguard for you.”

 

Maggie lets out a, “Wait, what?” and Alex’s deer in the headlights expression and subtle hand gestures of _Kara, shut your mouth_ flies over Kara’s head as social cues, and she continues.

 

“Alex surfs tons and comes home and says there’s a pretty lifeguard that works at the beach, and one time Mom and I went and saw you and then I saw you getting ice cream so I figured you’d wanna talk to Alex!”

 

“Oh my god,” Alex says, her body tense and her eyes bugged out, as she takes the collar of Kara’s shirt and pulls her to Alex’s side. “I am so sorry. Kara’s stupid. Please don’t listen to what she says.”

 

“I’m not stupid!” Kara protests. “I’m in calc-less.”

 

“ _Calculus_ ,” Alex mutters, and gently pushes Kara so she can start walking in the other direction. “Look, I’m sorry, it’s―” Alex habitually shakes her wrist to take a look at the watch on it, “― late.” The midday sun shining on the trio suggests otherwise. “Our mom will want us home soon.”

 

Maggie can just stare as she walks Alex walk away, again, and as Kara turns around to shout, “Bye bye, pretty lifeguard!”

 

―――――  

 

“Maggie, you okay?” Aunt Rose walks by the teenager’s room, laundry basket on hip.

 

“I’m fine. Why?”

 

“Your headphones aren’t plugged into your Walkman, sweetie.” Rose points with her free hand, and Maggie looks down to see she was right. Huh. Maggie hadn’t even noticed.

 

“I guess I’m just deep in thought,” Maggie admits, taking her headphones and placing them around her neck.

 

“About what?”

 

“Saw Alex’s kid sister today.”

 

“Oh? The surfer?” Maggie rolls her eyes at Rose’s wiggling eyebrows. “How’d you know it was her sister?”

 

“Apparently the kid knew me as the ‘pretty lifeguard’ and wanted to introduce me to Alex.”

 

“Aww, that’s so cute!” Rose switches the basket on her other hip. “You should do something about it.”

 

Maggie all of a sudden feels sick. “I dunno.”

 

Rose shrugs, and says, “What do you have to lose?” before leaving.

 

Maggie’s left by herself again, and it causes her mind to race. She remembers the last and only time she went for the girl, and it’s the reason why she’s here in the first place. She’s spent the last two years feeling ashamed for ruining her family’s reputation and for thinking that girls were just all around smarter and prettier than guys.

 

The idea of having to get rejected to that extent ties cinderblocks to Maggie’s brain and tosses it into deep waters with no life jacket― but then again…

 

That kid had said Alex had talked about a _pretty lifeguard_. Is Maggie pretty? Sure, she guesses she is. She’s not extremely ugly. Some days she’d walk past a mirror and not feel too horrible about herself. And there had been a few boys that had liked her in middle school― boys who didn’t think it was weird for a girl to play softball and spit on the ground and get mud all over her jeans. But after that Valentine’s Day, she’d mainly become a laughing stock, getting to the point where it was cheaper to buy tape to hide the slurs written on her belongings rather than buy new things.

 

If Alex had been a boy, Maggie knows she’d think Alex would’ve meant pretty in _that_ way. But Alex isn’t a boy, and Alex not being a boy is the exact reason Maggie’s sitting in a silent bedroom mulling over the situation with a fine toothed comb, and Alex not being a boy means so many things.

 

Because in Maggie’s mind, Alex was upset because not only did Maggie basically hit on her with her stupid “it’s cute” comment, enough to start avoiding her, but then what if Alex was embarrassed because her little sister had said something about Maggie being pretty and now Alex thinks Maggie must think it was said in the way that people who _like_ each other say it.

 

Luckily for Alex, Maggie’s too much of a pessimist to believe that.

 

―――――

 

Maggie doesn’t sleep well, and by half past four in the morning, her body’s decided she’s up for the day. Deciding there was nothing better to do, Maggie puts a band shirt and shorts on over her bathing suit, sticks a bottle of sunscreen and a book in a knapsack, and bikes over to the beach.

 

By the time she gets there, small rays of sunlight are beginning to peek over the horizon. Maggie takes her sandals off at her chair and sticks her toes in the sand, wiggling them. Maggie actually likes having her bare feet in the sand, but not when she’s working and it’s triple digits outside.

 

She’s been walking along the coastline, admiring the scenery and the smell and taste of the ocean before her, when a snug looking cove of rocks against the shore catches her eye. Peering in that direction, Maggie notices a hunched over figure sitting on top of the rocks.

 

Her mind instantly reverting to worst case scenario, Maggie jogs over to where she sees the figure until she notices it trembling.

 

They’re crying.

 

It doesn’t help that by the time Maggie recognizes the figure as Alex, Alex has looked up and spotted Maggie.

 

“I can leave,” Maggie blurts out, and she’s halfway towards pivoting and walking back to her post when Alex shakes her head and pats the empty rock next to her.

 

A small, “Please stay,” is whispered, and who would Maggie be to say no to that?

 

She plops down next to the other girl and when Alex naturally lays her head in the crook of Maggie’s shoulder, it takes all of Maggie’s willpower not to gasp and tense up.

 

There’s a serene silence in the two teens taking in the dawn view of a California beach when Alex says, “My dad died three years ago today.”

 

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry.” Maggie gets what it’s like to lose a parent, albeit in an incredibly different way.

 

“I’ve accepted it by now, y’know? I mean, obviously I’m still upset… I just know that, by this point, I can’t change anything.” Alex lets out a sigh. “But my mom is so hard on me. My best isn’t good enough for her. And Kara, with being adopted and a literal child genius… she can’t do any wrong. I get the brunt of all the criticism.”

 

“Oh, yeah.” Maggie remembers. “That calculus comment.”

 

“She can actually do it.” Alex lifts her head up to stare at Maggie, and Maggie feels the air leave her lungs, Alex being literally _breathtaking_. What eye should she look into― the left one or the right one? Should she compromise and look in between them? Is she over thinking this? “She was homeschooled by her really smart parents before they died in a house fire.”

 

“Oh, wow,” Maggie says, her tone full of sympathy, and Alex nods.

 

“Yeah, and then she lost _another_ parent.” Alex brings up her knees to her chest and hugs her legs.  “And it just sucks because I feel like I have no one on my side. My dad… he was happy if I was happy. But my mom has all these unrealistic expectations.” She pauses, and then adds in a quieter voice, “Then that whole thing with Vicki…”

 

“Well, let’s make a deal, then. I’m new and don’t really know anyone here except tourists who go to the beach. I’ll be on your side if you’ll be on mine.”

 

Alex gives a soft smile and sticks out her pinky. “Promise?”

 

Magge feels like a 5 year old making a pact in a treehouse in some family sitcom, but the way Alex is looking at her, all hopeful, she takes out her own pinky and wraps it around Alex’s. “Promise.”

 

When their fingers intertwine, Alex blushes, taking her pinky away and holding her hand to her chest. “Sorry, I just realized how childish that is. Kara’s still into it, so I guess it was my instinct…”

 

“Don’t be,” Maggie says, smirking. She then looks out onto the coast to realize the sun is almost all the way out of the horizon, its light reflecting over the endless water. “I should probably go to my post.” A surge of confidence runs through her veins as she asks, “Wanna walk me?”

 

Alex smiles. “Yeah.”

 

As they walk back to the main section of the beach, Maggie keeps her arms straight to her side but observes that Alex’s are slightly swinging as she walks. When Alex’s arm barely manages to brush against Maggie’s, Maggie stumbles in the sand.

 

“There must’ve been a pebble or something,” Maggie chokes out, and Alex raises an eyebrow. Trying to distract from the fact that she’s a mess, she slows her pace to an almost stop and looks out at the ocean. “It’s pretty huge.”

 

“What, the ocean?” Alex turns around to look at the subject in question. “Yeah, it is.”

 

“You don’t sound very impressed. I’ve only lived in Nebraska before this. I’d never seen the ocean before.”

 

“I mean, I’ve lived here my whole life, but you’re right. It covers most of our planet and we’ve only begun to scratch the surface. And I go in it for fun.” Alex chuckles. “It’s… beautiful. But also kinda terrifying.”

 

“You are.” When Alex whips around to stare deeply into whatever might be in Maggie’s eyes, Maggie bursts out a, “Right! You’re right. Are you, um… will you be surfing today?”

 

“No,” Alex says. “Kara doesn’t like being too alone on this day, either. We’re going to the aquarium.”

 

“Oh.” It’s silent after that.

 

Soon, Alex says, “We’re here,” and Maggie realizes they’re at her chair now. Only a local or two is at the beach at this hour, but it doesn’t hurt to be early. Alex’s voice is soft, and Maggie’s fiddling with one of her backpack straps, and Alex takes a deep inhale before saying, “You know what?”

 

“What?” Maggie can tell from the warmth of her face that she’s still blushing. She’s been caught, and she knows it.

 

“I think this is going to be an interesting year.” And with that, Alex moves closer to Maggie before lightly grazing Maggie’s cheek with her fingertips and pecking her on the other. Maggie feels like she’s been electrocuted in the best way and when Alex pulls away and waves goodbye, Maggie only has enough mindpower to dumbly wave back The second she’s gone, Maggie traces both of her cheeks, not knowing what to be overwhelmed by.

 

Beautiful and terrifying, indeed.


End file.
